Finding the secrets that everyone holds

*sigh* This is so crazy... relationship incest makes it difficult to explain sometimes without names.

Tonight I'm helping my ex to buy handcuffs to use on my girlfriend's ex when she comes back from Tasmania. My girlfriend's ex and my ex are... psuedo-together, but not officially together, (let's just say, sexing)... while my "girlfriend" and I are not actually officially together either, but are in all practicality, in everything except name. Having broken up sometime in May (or around that time... the actual official breakup was sort of nebulous from my end, because I was in denial for a bit there) we are now back together, and it looks like it's sticking... but according to lesbian lore, we have another 3 breakups before it falls apart completely or stays.

Also, to make your brain spin a little more... A friend of my ex's (whom I met peripherally while my ex and I were together) had the biggest obsessive crush on my current girlfriend for years... before I met her of course. This friend was also the conduit between my now partner and her ex meeting and getting together. Funnier still, the friend also had a crush on the ex.

This poor friend of ours doesn't realise that my ex has also slept with another of her long-term crushes as well as a brief encounter with my girlfriend.


So let the flow charts begin!

Blurted at 16:29 | Chain and tie me | comments (1) anyone?

Merry Christmas to all who read this.

Blurted at 01:16 | Chain and tie me | comments anyone?
updates

Things I can't say

You still break my heart... and yet I can't stop coming back for more.

How dare you abandon me! I needed you more than I thought...

I loathe that you can take that tone of voice with me, and outmaneuvre me so easily.

I dreamt of you more recently than I care to admit. I still don't know what happened, and it makes me obsess.

Your whiny voice makes me want to scream at you. STOP TALKING. Oh, and get a life.

I miss you so much. Do you know that?

You make my skin crawl. The only reason I keep talking to you is because I'm lonely.

I never expected you to care... You're so sweet. Thank you. But I don't need your gossiping.

Please come back. You were the best thing in my life for a long time.

You've changed, and I can't depend on you anymore. I still love you though.

Should I even try to find you? Or will you just waste my time and hurt me irreparibly.

Why are you here? Get out of my house! You make me feel like a dolt.

Things would be so awkward between us if I saw you in person again.

I despise your nerdiness, and yet I'm callous enough to use you as a stepping stone if need be.

You were never worth the effort I gave you. My life is so much better with you gone.

I know you can fuck me up (yet again). Keep your distance for both our sakes.

Blurted at 23:06 | Chain and tie me | comments anyone?
emotional crap

I don't know what to say, what to think, what to do, or even how to feel. I know I'm not heading toward the stupidity of past, but the slow lurching forward, followed by shoves backward, and stagnant static places that leave my feet sinking into the mud to my ankles are really starting to grate on me (my self-esteem, my emotional stability, everything about me).

My cousin is here with her two children, one of which is having surgery on his eye. It makes me so sad to see him upset that he can't see, and yet his mother showers affection over her other little one, and seems to leave him to his own devices. I know Mum has been looking after them both, because my cousin can't really handle both at the same time, and I wish I could help out, but my patience has been worn thin, and I feel so awkward holding babies, and don't know how to coo over them for more than a minute or two. I don't know that I'd be too good as a parent. I don't have enough patience. It frightens me.

Anyway... Things with Ena are good. We're getting our dynamic back, and craving each others company a fair bit lately. It's nice, but I'm worried about falling into old habits and cutting off friends to spend time with her instead...
Getting over the fight with Manda, but I'm still feeling like I'm the one putting in effort to sort through it, and I'm trying to remain open, but it's getting harder.

Waiting until the new year until I do anything about my birth mother. We'll see how that all pans out. So much drama that could happen... I just don't know if I want that yet.

Soooo looking forward to Girlfest in January. It should be great! :-D And then going to Mardi Gras as well in March! YAY!!!

Blurted at 17:09 | Chain and tie me | comments anyone?

Theres so many things I want to go to next year. I want to go to Good Vibrations Festival, which means that I have to book accommodation at the Gold Coast too. I've already organised Girlfest, which shall be tres awesome, I'm hoping. I also want to go back to Mardi Gras next year too! Dammit. I really don't have enough money for all this. I wanted to go to Nevereverland too, but I'm afraid it might get rained out anyway. Everyone is working or too poor to go with me :( ... OOooo and Future Music Festival!


I've figured out that I could've graduated last semester with a graduate certificate, but since I don't have a job, I may as well keep studying and make myself a bit more employable by taking public health subjects. Hopefully that will get me a job at (one of) the hospital(s).

I dunno... I'm getting disillusioned by the lack of jobs in Brisbane that I have any experience/skill or motivation for. I either don't like them, or the conditions are bad, or they are looking for experience in another area, or more experience than what I have. I should've done honours.... but it's so not my thing. In fact, I don't know what my thing is. I'm told I'm intelligent, but I lack motivation lately, and the job I'm looking for has to be created within a company or I have to start up my own business... Stupid workforce.

*sigh* anyway, I think it's just a tad of PMS, and the rain that seems to be bringing my mood down. And tiredness. But things are going well with Ena at least... still a little strained... but that's expected when we both have the mood swings of Aunty Flo. Damn in-sync cycles. *grumble*

On the upside, I've done my christmas shopping! Yay!

Blurted at 18:13 | Chain and tie me | comments anyone?
updates, uni